Inconsistently Consistent

Theme for April:  Change

Verse:

Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'.

 Matthew 5:37

Mom's Musing:

Consistency, is a word often associated with parenting. The verse, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes'and your  'No' be 'No' (Matthew 5: 37) has largely been misunderstood. This statement actually refers to being a person of integrity, one who keeps his word and speaks the truth.

Many parents find consistency difficult. Always trying to give the same responses, rewards, or  consequences for similar situations. Trying to train the same everyday and every way from potty training to driver training. It is an impossible task. It can't be done. Why? The human factor and life circumstances. Go ahead....breathe a sigh of relief. Flexibility and creativity are the name of the game.

So you ask, "What if I've delivered a punishment, don't I have to carry it through to the end?"
Answer, "Nope." Just because you said it, doesn't mean you can't unsay it. There are times when we get-overzealous in our reaction. When we do, it's time to pull back and readjust.

The best way to deal with behavior you'd like to tweak (notice I said behavior not offspring) is to find a way to train for desirable behavior. Rather than use an old stand-by punishment such as timeout or being grounded for life-practice the better behavior.  For example, if your child is disrespectful don't dismiss him to isolation - instead have him restate his words with respect. If a parent gets all worked up and easily offended the child has not only figured out what buttons to push but has also gained the upper hand.  Obviously this is to be avoided.


Parenting Tip: Be consistent went it comes to your  promises, faith, morals, values, safety, and legal issues. In all other situations-be creative, flexible and then train.

New Math

Theme for April: Change

Verse:

 "For God does not show favoritism."

Romans 2:11

Mom's Musing:

Spring the season of new life. Yesterday I opened a birth announcement. Oh...enclosed was a picture of  the new precious bundle. What a perfect way to kick off spring.

When I held our first child in my arms I couldn't believe how much love poured out of me. It felt as if we had waited an eternity to be parents. All that love and longing now had a place to go. I wondered, "Did my parents feel like this when they held me? How could love be so big? So all encompassing?"

Lots of parents have this experience holding their first child. Then along comes the anticipation of the second child. Crazy thoughts enter the mind like, "Will my love be as big for another child?" What will happen when I divide my love between them?"

God has a great solution to the problem. Love multiplies, it doesn't divide. Like the Grinch, the heart grows  bigger with each new addition. A mystery for sure but true never the less.

Parenting Tip:
Avoid playing favorites or even joking about it. This only serves as a catalyst to create feelings of sibling rivalry and jealousy. There is no limit to love.

Rockin' Robin

Theme for April: Change

Verse:

"...change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly."

 Jeremiah 7: 5b

Mom's Musing:

Spring is hopping to it in Colorado. The trees are beginning to bud and some flowers are breaking through the soil. Birds are building nests and looking for a mate. One robin in particular is on a mission. He is determined to either find a mate or build a nest in what is actually a reflection. Every morning for a week (so far) he has been banging his little body against our entryway window. He either loves his own image or he believes the illusion that the outside beams are inside.

If he doesn't soon figure out his repetitive behavior isn't going to bring him a home or a "chick", he is going to miss his opportunity. This little red breasted dude's actions are picture of what I do sometimes. I persist in doing the same things with the same results rather than change.

"A new dance" was a term I heard recently at a seminar. The speaker said if something doesn't work, do a new dance. For instance, when angry if typically silent-speak up or if the tendency is to talk-listen. He said if the old dance isn't working try something different.

Parenting Tip: 

As parents, we are passionate about  kids. Our kids know what buttons to press. When this occurs-do a new dance. Approach your frustrations in a way counter to what you have previously done to get a different and hopefully better result. Try to make your way to the solution side of the issue rather than camp on the emotion.

Turn, Turn, Turn

Theme for April: Change

Verse:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Mom's Musing:

Things don't stay the same. When my kids were babies I couldn't wait for the first time each one slept through the night, said the first word, or took the first step. Now I find myself holding my breath each time a new phase in my kids' lives enters my world. Wondering what that will mean. (Of course it is all about me.) From no longer needing my hand  to cross the street to borrowing the car keys. From moving into a big kid bed to moving into a college dorm. Change. Different. Inevitable.

When we brought our oldest child to college there was a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and fear. Did Tom and I equip her with the practical life skills she will need? Will she make good friends? Will she be able to hold firm to her faith and values without daily, physical family support?  What will happen when she's tempted by... well...temptation? When will this hole in my heart and lump in my throat go away?

We have moved three of our four kids to college. The wounded heart reopens and the lump returns with each departure. The questions and uncertainty resurface. (While writing this tears are stinging my eyes and I'm asking, "Where are the tissues?")  Change in life's circumstances requires an altered response.

A friend of mine has sent her two boys off to school. With a few tears and a wave she readjusts then redecorates. Her boys' bedrooms now function as a workout room and guest room. She knew the rooms at my home still look the same (only neater than when occupied daily).

What I am learning is each family deals with change differently. Some slowly, others rapidly. Neither way is wrong. But no matter a new normal changes day to day living. So whether your child is going to be going off to Kindergarten or to college next year, adjustment will be part of the menu.


Parenting Tip: The best tip I could pass along is to make sure you have a life too- a life that doesn't only revolve around your kids. Spend time with your spouse and friends. Continue to build those relationships and grow your faith as you raise your children.