Vegas and Grandma

I hate this saying. (I bet you are thinking, Gee, Lori- tell me how you really feel.) Every time I see this post go up on Facebook, I feel myself getting all fired up! So... I decided to fight back! This (along with that awful VEGAS saying) is one of the worst life philosophies I have heard.

Some of you reading this may think I have gone off the deep end-taking it too far. After all...it's funny, kinda cute. 

In my opinion, it isn't cute, funny, or even harmless. It is dangerous. Why would grandparents want to teach and encourage their grand-kids to withhold experiences and information from their parents? (Frankly the children learn to lie soon enough on their own. It certainly doesn't need to be reinforced by Granny or Pappy.)

Having a sweet relationship with children doesn't need to be covert or deceitful. The grandchild-grandparent is special. It is another place a child can be loved unconditionally. It is also important that the grand-moms and grand-dads remember to support their children in their efforts to raise their children.

So that is my word of recommendation for today. If you have utilized the "What happens at Grandma's" idea before, please rethink your position. Maybe even discuss it with your own adult children.

On the flip side: Parents- lighten up a bit, be a little flexible, and give your folks space to use what I call, The Grandparent Option. Maybe some of the "rules" can be loosened a bit when your kids are with the grandparents.

A relationship doesn't need to be clandestine to be GREAT.

Do not deceive one another. 

Leviticus 19:11c

Lead and Follow

A few weeks ago I attended a retreat for The MOM Initiative (Moms mentoring Moms). In between tubing, eating, snowshoeing, eating, laughing, talking, eating, and shopping the MOM team got busy helping each other with computer techniques and speaking tips. 

We (the thirteen that attended) walked away with more knowledge and motivation than we had when we arrived. We felt encouraged and energized to move forward in the ministry positions to which we have been called. We didn't compare gifting or ministries. 

Assisting each other, passing along information, learning from each other, supporting one another- important in ministry,even more important in parenting. 

I am thankful I had two friends who were just a bit ahead of me in the mom department. Both Lorri and Kathy had four kids- like me. They understood the demands of being a mama to four, close in age. They gave me permission not to do things PERFECTLY. They shared their parenting philosophies, tips, and secrets with me. They reassured me that even when I felt I earned The WORST MOM in the WORLD Award-tomorrow was another day and I could do it differently. (And they were there to help me!)

Look at the families around you. Is there a mom or dad that you would like to bounce ideas off of once in awhile? Or... have you noticed a parent that could use a little support? 

I encourage you to reach out to mentor or ask to be mentored. We need each other's wisdom and experience when it comes to raising kids today.

"You yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another." Romans 15:14 

Choose Blessing or Cursing

Our words can bless or curse. Wound or heal. Build up or tear down.

Words. Are. Powerful.

I came across an article the other day about a seventh grade boy who posted on Instagram he was planning on committing suicide on his birthday. This young boy had been severely bullied. He had been wounded by other students' words and actions.

While being hospitalized for treatment, the boy's mom got an idea. She asked people on Facebook to send her son words of encouragement. He received THOUSANDS of responses. All uplifting and  hopeful. The words of affirmation, affection, and love all made a difference in the boy's perspective on his life and his future.

Healing had begun.

Moms and Dads, our words are powerful. As it says in Hebrews 3:13, "Encourage one another daily." Our kids need to hear words that will be motivating and affirming. And... when you need to guide or correct your child, before speaking ask yourself, "Will my message or its delivery tear down my child?" If so, retrain yourself to offer correction in a way that is not hurtful. Here are three quick tips.

The ABC's of Correction

* Avoid attacking your child's "personhood". Stick to the issue at hand. Seek to resolve the problem.
* Be aware of your nonverbal expressions. Avoid stomping, pointing, and exaggerating gestures.
* Change your tone. Be calm.

Parents, words can bring life....or death. 

What will you choose today?

For the full article on the seventh grade boy click here.

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Open or Shut?

“Shut down.” 

This was an expression my nephew used to get around his family’s rule of not saying, “Shut Up.”

Recently I heard a program on Christian radio where the man being interviewed said something like, “Scripture quoting people need to go away.” He and his family had gone and are still going through a huge and heart-breaking difficulty. Their son had been arrested for drug use. The young man was raised in a faith-filled home with Christian values and a strong family support system. In spite of that, he had become addicted to drugs and is now serving time.

Painful for all. 

“Bible versing” individuals are well-intended. (Have you noticed, often these words are delivered with a Cheshire cat-like smile and the obligatory hug?) But… the person on the receiving end feels as if he has just been smacked with a pious and judgmental sermon. Another hit to a person or family already bruised and beat-up. 

This man wanted those folks to –Shut down. 

I can relate.

There have been crises where I have yearned to hear God’s Word and cling to Biblical promises. Riding in the ambulance down the mountain- praying we get to the hospital in time. Sitting in the Trauma 10 Emergency Surgery Waiting Room-praying my child will come through the operation, holding my girl’s hand while she lay in her hospital bed recuperating, or sitting with my dad while he was breathing his last earthly breath. Those are the moments I have craved words from the Big, Black Book. In those spaces I desire to recall God's word and craft my prayers from Scripture to remind me of God’s goodness and His healing power.

Then the inspired Word brings hope in the midst of tragedy or sadness.

But… times when one of my kids is going through a trial-due to his or her own choosing and the rest of the family is in a place of suffering due to those choices, encouragement, at least for me (and for the dad on the radio), is not found in someone giving me “Godly advice” or casually spitting out a memorized passage.

Please… well- meaning Christian folks….shut down.

This may not sound very Christian but please don’t toss a piece of sermonized scripture at me.(Not to be arrogant, but I do know God's Word-like that dad- and His promises. And when I've been in those hard places, believe me,I have been seeking his guidance. And... frankly I'm hanging on for dear life.) Instead offer compassion and encouragement in the form of listening, asking how to pray, and offering to pray. Support my family and me by praying for protection for our marriage, faith, and family. 

When I am hurting, I need love not a lecture.

Join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

Romans 15: 30b

and 

Let us encourage one another.

Hebrews 10:25b

What encourages you when going through a time of suffering? 

One Leaf, No Foolin'

One leaf makes the difference between life and death of the mangrove tree.You could miss the few yellow leaves scattered among all the green leaves in the grove. But our captain made certain to point them out.

My daughter, Courtney, and I went on an EcoCruise while on a family vacation in the Florida Keys this past January. We saw lots of different birds, plants, and a few crabs. But the thing that made the biggest impact was the smallest thing we saw.

The yellow leaf. 

According to the guide, the leaf soaks up all the salt water the plant's roots take in. In doing so the rest of the tree can survive- even thrive. But ... the result is the yellow leaf itself, dies.

The leaf's sole purpose  is to die so the rest of the tree can live.

Its name: The Sacrificial Leaf.

(You know where I'm heading with this!) Today, I am thanking God for the sacrifice His Son made for me while he hung on a tree. He sucked up all my salty sin and gave me living water. He gave his life so I could survive- no...thrive. He did it for me, for my family, and for you.

His name: Jesus.

Since that first Easter Morning- every day that follows-is a resurrection day. I am grateful. Because he died for me,  I will live for Him.

He is risen! He is risen indeed.

Look the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! 

John 1:29